Ok, I haven't updated this blog in awhile so I thought I should. I am 17 weeks pregnant and do far all looks o.k. I do say this with a little hesitance because we haven't had our anatomy scan yet. We will have one on the 28th of this month, but have no patience to wait for that, so we scheduled one of those 3D scans you pay for, it will be on the 5th. I want to know if we are having a boy or girl. Mostly because I really felt like I bonded with Averi when we found out she was a girl and named her. I thought of every moment she moved as time we spent together and considered carrying her in my womb as holding her. I knew we may not bring her home so I relished in every part of my pregnancy with her. I didn't get to hold her until right before she passed, so I really appreciated the time I stopped and really paid attention to every movement she made in my belly. I want to do the same for this baby. I want to enjoy the things I used to take for granted. I am so very nervous, but I don't let that consume me(or at least I try really hard not to).
I miss Averi everyday and don't understand why God took her. However, I do know in my heart that God is good and He loves me. I choose not to lean on my understanding but trust in the Lord with all my heart. Don't get me wrong I have my rough days and lately my sadness seems to have deepened. In these times I go to God, He gives me a peace I can't get anywhere else. I have cried many tears, but I praise God through the tears because His grace is sufficient.
"And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." John 14:27 (NLT)
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